The Salesperson and the Accountant

While we are on the issue of software SG&A being too expensive, I thought I would share this joke I received - inspired by Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men

Salesperson: "You want answers?"

Accountant: "I think we are entitled to them!"

Salesperson: "You want answers?!"

Accountant: "I want the truth!"

Salesperson: "You can't handle the truth!!!"

Salesperson (continuing): "Son, we live in a world that requires revenue. And that revenue must be brought in by people with elite skills. Who's going to find it? You? You, Mr. CPA? We have a greater responsibility than you can't possibly fathom.

You scoff at Sales and curse our lucrative incentives. You have that luxury. You also have the luxury of not knowing what we know: that while the cost of selling is excessive, it drives in revenue. Revenue you find all kinds of excuses to try and defer. And my very existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, drives REVENUE! You don't want to know the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about in board meetings... you want me on that call. You NEED me on that call!

We use words like psychological ROI, value matrix, VITO – learned from a life spent negotiating opportunities (yes against that Deal Archtiect assXXXX). You learned ROI in Accounting 101! The sweat of our labor generates our vaporware.  We make quota even without SuperBowl ads.   

I have neither the time nor inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep under the very blanket of revenue I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it. Don’t forget A comes way after S in SG&A. And the S in Sarbanes-Oxley did not change a darn thing.

I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a phone and make some cold calls. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"

Accountant: "Did you expense the private jet?"

Salesperson: "I did the job I was hired to do."

Accountant: "Did you expense the private jet?"

Salesperson: "You're damn right I did!

Update: this post is finding its way through sales forces around the world. I just got an email from a UK Sales Director "...it is printed out and will go on our team board". He then gushed something I cannot print on this blog. Accountants of the world - brace yourselves for the Nicholson speech next time you question sales expenses. Look on the bright side - would you rather them use Jack's "Here's Johnny..." line?